whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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