Pregnant stripper...not hot.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
