I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
