How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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