Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
