Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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