how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
