Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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