Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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