Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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