i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
