don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
