you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
