JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize