Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
