Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize