I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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