I have demons in me.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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