I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
