garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
