first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i love accidental penises.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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