Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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