I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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