ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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