Umm I'm too high to move.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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