i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
