You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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