Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
