I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
