member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
