This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
