____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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