so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
