smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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