They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
