Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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