My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
