It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize