I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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