I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
