I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
