Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
