some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
