Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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