I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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