So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
