it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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