Tell her she can't have a vagina
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
where am i from again
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize