i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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