seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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