Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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