Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
