What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
