you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
