I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would ride that face into the sunset
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
