thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
