We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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