i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
