So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
