I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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