Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
