Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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