at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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