honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
