mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Barsexuality is the new black.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
