No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
