My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
