I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wanna go halves on a baby?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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