i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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